


The Hunky Horror Picture Show

by HoneyBadgerOverlord



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Anticipation, Characters will die, Just Enough Violence to Make It a Fun Time, Kinda, M/M, Multi, Not Explicit But Just Explicit Enough If You Get What I Mean, Saucy Dancing, Song Parody, Suggestive Themes, heavily implied sex, klance, rocky horror picture show au, sexual innuendo, we'll see how that works out
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-24
Updated: 2017-09-23
Packaged: 2019-01-04 16:24:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,998
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12172500
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HoneyBadgerOverlord/pseuds/HoneyBadgerOverlord
Summary: Starring:Lotor, a princeLance McClain, a heroKeith Kogane, also a heroCoran, a gorgeous handymanAllura, a domesticHaggar, a DruidShiro, a rivalHunk, a creationZarkon, an emperorPidge Holt, an expertA mental mindf*ck can be nice... Why not enjoy this one?





	The Hunky Horror Picture Show

**Author's Note:**

> Italics in quotes is singing ;)

_Hunk Garrett was ill_

_When ships wouldn’t sit still_

_But his leg helps Voltron stand_

_And Keith Kogane was there_

_With messy mullet hair,_

_Lance gave him a gentle, ‘Hey man…’_

_Then something went bad_

_For their precious space dad_

_He got caught in a Kerberos jam_

_Then at a subtle pace_

_They got… help from Thace_

_And this is how the message ran:_

_Voltron fanfic, double feature_

_Why’s the fandom such a creature?_

_See Galra fighting Lance and Keith_

_This show is awesome beyond belief_

_Whoa oh oh oh oh_

_At the late night, double feature, Voltron show_

_We all knew Katie Holt_

_Was given a jolt_

_When nature was not as it seems_

_And we know that Coran_

_Is such a gorgeous man_

_By the way his eyes bug out when he screams_

_Don’t take Allura for granted-_

_She lost her whole planet!_

_So bringing down Galra’s her dream_

_The fandom wants romance_

_(Especially Klance)_

_‘We did it. We are a great team,’_

_Like a…_

_Voltron fanfic, double feature_

_Why’s the fandom such a creature?_

_See Galra fighting Lance and Keith_

_This show is awesome beyond belief_

_Whoa oh oh oh oh_

_At the late night, double feature, Voltron show_

_I wanna go_

_Oh oh oh_

_To the late night, double feature, Voltron show_

_By Dreamworks, oh_

_Oh oh oh_

_To the late night, double feature, Voltron show,_

_In the back row,_

_Oh oh oh_

_To the late night, double feature, Voltron show!_

* * *

The cheerful toll of bells ring as a newly wedded couple exits the ceremony hall. Their wedding party flocks out behind them along with all of the guests. There are family and friends eager to express their love in alien burbles of congratulation and hugs with more than two arms.

“Alright, get together everybody! We’ve got to take the perfect picture to remember this special day!” Everyone huddles around the grinning couple at the base of the hall’s steps. A few images of bright, happy faces are taken before the attendees mill off to mingle among themselves. The groom is approached by a young man who has the appearance of someone in their mid-twenties and is quite handsome. His build is lean yet strong, his complexion is brown, and his eye color is an astounding blue that holds a sparkle of youthful humor. This is Lance, the hero of our story.

“Congrats, Rolo!” He gives the newly wed a friendly pat on the back. Rolo has an easy smile that lights up his face.

“Thanks, man. I’ve been waiting for this for so long it’s kinda hard to believe it’s finally happened, ya know?”

“It’s no surprise to me. I knew that Nyma was the one for you from day one.” That was a lie: Lance had tried to woo the alien girl with cheesy pick-up lines for nearly two months before realizing she wasn’t interested.

“We do make a great pair. Just like you and Keith.”

“Get ready, ladies!” Nyma calls, adverting their attention before Lance can say anything in response. She turns around to fulfil the tradition of throwing her bouquet into a crowd of desperate singles. Feminine aliens of all different appearances wave their appendages eagerly in hopes of catching the bunch of flowers. Nyma tosses it high over her head. The bouquet flies in a perfect arc towards the crowd. A green, four-armed lady is seconds away from having it in her grasp when she gets an elbow to the face from a young man who appears seemingly from nowhere out of the sea of girls.

 “It’s mine!” he growls, clutching the flowers to his chest. The ladies are quite terrified (rightfully so) and back off without question. This young man is also in his mid-twenties and is very attractive as well. His form is muscular, his stance intimidating. His dark hair flows in a majestic mullet down his neck. His face holds a stoic expression more often than not, but it is a beautiful face indeed. This is Keith, the other hero of our story.

“Looks like you might be getting hitched next,” teases Rolo.

“You never know,” Lance shrugs casually even though his stomach churns nervously. He grins at his boyfriend making his way over. “Nice catch, babe. Think you broke someone’s nose though.” Keith pretends not to hear him.

“Congratulations, Rolo. I know you and Nyma will be very happy together.”

“Thanks, man. I’d actually better be going. There’s a moon they turned into the top honeymoon spot in this part of the galaxy. We’re gonna be putting our suite to good use, if you know what I mean. Then we’re going to steal all the mini shampoos. Later.”

The friends exchange a few more goodbyes before Rolo meets Nyma inside of their space craft that has a ‘just married’ sign hung on the back. Lance and Keith watch the ship blast out of sight.

“That was actually a beautiful ceremony. I’m glad for them,” Keith says. There’s a half smile on his lips that makes Lance’s heart pound.

“Yeah, it was great. Do you wanna take a walk?” He points to the overgrown cemetery that’s right next to the hall. “It looks like you could stumble across a cryptid or something over there.” Keith chuckles and takes Lance’s hand in his free one.

“Sure. Let’s go take a look.”

They stroll amongst the gravestones. There’s a comfortable silence between them that Lance breaks by clearing his throat.

“Rolo is lucky to be married to Nyma. She’s really clever.”

“Mmhm.”

“And Rolo, he’s got a lot going on for himself too. He’s pretty successful for a thief or a con artist or whatever he is.” He fiddles with his bowtie.

“Mmhm.”

Lance stops walking. “Hey Keith?”

“Yes Lance?”

“I’ve got something to say.”

“Hm?”

“I found it really hot… the violent way… you beat the shit out of people to get to the bride’s bouquet.”

“Oh, Lance.” Keith’s face goes red. Lance spins him around, plucking the flowers away so he can grasp both his hands.

“ _The river was deep but I swam it. The future is ours so let's plan it. So please, don't tell me to can it. I've one thing to say and that's Keith, good grief, I love you!"_   he croons, wrapping his arms around Keith’s waist, rocking them back and forth. Keith can only flush warmer as he continues.

“ _The road was long but I ran it. There's a fire in my heart and you fan it.”_ His smile is suggestive when he pulls him close but his words are sincere. _“If there's one fool for you then I am it. I've one thing to say and that's Keith, good grief, I love you._ ” He gracefully stoops down on one knee, and Keith gasps. “ _Here's a ring to prove that I'm no joker. There's three ways that love can grow. That's good, bad, or mediocre. Oh, K-E-I-T-H I love you so._ ” He slips a gold band with a shining ruby on Keith’s awaiting finger.

“ _Oh, it’s nicer than Nyma and Ro had!"_   Keith cries when he finally reclaims his voice. “ _Now we’re engaged, and I’m so glad. Though you can’t meet my mom or my dad… But I’ve one thing to say and that’s Lance, I’m mad, for you too._ ” They link arms and strut through the graveyard as if they were going down the aisle. “ _Oh, Lance_!”

“Oh, good grief.” Keith is gazing at him with such adoration. It makes Lance blush so intensely that his ears are red.

“ _I’m mad.._.”

“Oh, Keith!”

“… _for you._ ”

“ _I love you too,”_ he gushes. They press their foreheads together and harmonize.

“ _There's one thing left to do - ah - oo._ ”

“ _And that’s go see the dude who began it,_ ” sings Lance. “ _When we met at his combat exam – it. Made me give you the eye and then panic. Now I’ve one thing to say and that’s Keith, good grief, I love you._ ” He sighs happily. “ _Keith, good grief_.”

“ _Oh, Lance! I’m mad_.”

“ _Keith, good grief_.” They kiss, and the world stops around them. There is no grass, no tombstones, no rumbling of thunder, no ominous storm clouds brewing in the distance. There’s only teeth and tongue, warmth and want. They break away, and together they gasp:

“ _I love you.”_

 

* * *

 

 A girl sits cross-legged in a chair. This chair is in front of a desk. This desk is in a study. This study is in a building, and this building is in a place that may or may not be in a known dimension, that may or may not be real at all. But that is beside the point. The point is there is a girl sitting cross-legged in a chair hunched over a laptop. _Click-clack_ goes her fingers across the keys. Around her there are mechanical bits and tangled wires and deconstructed computers. Stacks of manuals and algorithms scrawled on paper scraps cover the floor. The clicking stops. The girl looks up, and she smiles. The glare from her laptop shines in her glasses.

“I would like, ah, if I may, ...to take you on a strange journey. I’m telling you, this shit is wild. I couldn’t make it up if I tried.” She spins one hundred eighty degrees around in her chair to refer to a screen with images being projected on it. She uses a laser pointer as she speaks.

“So, this right here is Keith Kogane. Besides from his god-awful hair and horrible temper, he’s a pretty decent guy. This is Lance McClain. Besides from being obnoxious and a flirt, he too is a pretty decent guy. It was a seemingly normal night when these two decent guys, recently engaged, left to visit their old mentor, Takashi ‘Shiro’ Shirogane.” The slide changes to show a middle-aged man with salt and pepper hair. His most notable feature is a cyber kinetic arm.

“It could be noted that there were some ominous storm clouds brewing in earth’s atmosphere.” Another slide change. “That won’t affect the plot though because Keith and Lance were leaving earth to visit their friend. It could also be noted, however, that the happy couple’s ship had an energy crystal running low on power, and they didn’t have a spare. But they went out anyways. They were decent guys, but that doesn’t mean they were smart guys.” She pushes up her glasses and smirks.

“This ‘normal’ night out is gonna be one they’ll never forget.”

 

* * *

 

 

Lance and Keith were supposed to arrive at Shiro’s base in only about two hours. That was five hours ago. They find themselves in an unfamiliar space system devoid of activity save for the occasional single person flyer zooming dangerously close to their ship. “Geez! That’s the third one of those things that’s passed us. I wonder what they’re doing out this far.”

Keith frowns and looks out the window. “I’m wondering the exact same thing. Are you sure you didn’t make a wrong turn at that last moon?”

“Of course, I’m sure! I’m a great pilot. You know, back at the Garrison they used to call me the Tailor because of how I-”

“Thread the needle, yes I know.” Keith is trying not to lose his patience. “Why don’t I look at the navigation device so we’ll know where we’re going and you, Mr. Tailor, can be the one to fly us there.”

“Works for me.”

“Good.” He rummages around the cockpit. “Where’s the navigation device?”

“I dunno. Check the glove compartment.”

“…There is no glove compartment.”

“Really? I could have sworn there was. Well even if there was I forgot to pack the GPS so it really doesn’t matter.”

“How could you forget something so important?” Keith seethes through gritted teeth.

“I was uh, confident in my navigation abilities as an expert pilot. And,” he adds on, wary of his lover’s rage, “I was so excited about telling Shiro the great news I wasn’t thinking straight. Sorry.” Just as Keith’s smile makes Lance’s heart pound, Lance’s pouty lips and wide eyes make Keith’s anger subside. He sighs.

“You’ve never thought straight a day in your life.”

“That’s right, babe. ‘Cause I’m always thinking of you.”

“As sweet as that is, your flirting won’t get us anywhere. Let’s keep flying a little farther. Maybe we’ll find a planet we can stop at for directions.”

And so, they travel on through the emptiness of space. So empty… empty… but then, there is something! It’s a speck in the distance that soon grows large enough to be identified as a planet.

“I think I see something. Lance do you see that?”

“Yeah I do! Finally. Hang on to your mullet.” He floors the pedal so hard they both lurch in their seats.

“Slow dooown!” Keith shrieks but it’s no use; Lance has them entering the atmosphere at a breakneck speed.

“Woo hoo! Now watch as I land us to perfect safety- holy shit!” He swerves the craft out of the line of a laser beam. “Someone’s shooting at us!”

“No kidding, dipshit!” Keith’s patience is officially gone. “I was going to say that we needed to approach this planet slowly in case they were hostile- veer left!- but nooo, you just had to be the fucking tailor- LEFT I SAID LEFT!”

“I thought you meant my left!”

“We have the same left!” 

Both scream when the ship crashes into the ground.

“Lance… Lance are you okay?”

“Yeah, Keith. Are you?”

“Yes. Lance…”

“Yeah, Keith?”

“You’re lucky I love you.”

“Yes, Keith.”

“Because if I didn’t…”

“I know, Keith.”

“I would murder you. Can we still fly?”

Lance starts up the ship. It runs for all of five seconds before sputtering out, dead. “Damnit. I’m going to go see what the trouble is.”

“The trouble probably has something to do with the fact you just crashed us into the ground, but I’m no engineer.”

“Whatever, smartass. It might be something I can fix. Just stay here.”

“Not a chance. You need someone to watch your back in case of an attack. Whoever shot at us could strike again at any moment. And besides,” his smile is slight, but sincere, “we’re engaged now. We’re more of a team than ever before.”

“Great point. You’re so smart, babe.” Lance leans in expectantly. Keith puts a finger to his lips.

“Getting out of here safely now, smooching later. Maybe.”

“Maybe?”

“Maybe. After pulling a stunt like this you’re going to have to earn it, bad boy.” He winks. “Now let’s go.”

“God, I love you.” 

They cautiously exit their ship. Lance fiddles around with its interior workings while Keith stands protectively beside him, scanning the area. The terrain is rocky and has odd, twisted trees and bushes. There are no obvious signs of nearby enemies, though he knows better than to lower his guard. He forgot to pack any of his blades from his extensive collection, but he’s prepared to defend Lance to the death with bare hands.

“I’ve got some good news,” Lance eventually announces. “The only thing wrong with this ship besides a few scratches is that the energy crystal is drained.”

“Really? Then put in the spare, and let’s get out of here.”

“Yeah, no. ‘Cause there’s also bad news: the spare is drained too.”

“Of course it is. Honestly, I can’t see how things could get worse.”

Thunder rumbles. Lightening cracks across the unfamiliar sky. Rain pours down.

“Not a word,” Keith hisses when Lance opens his mouth. They stand there in silence.

“We can’t stay here forever,” Lance says above the drumming rain.

“I know.”

“There was a building we passed on our way in. It looked like a castle or something. I only saw it for a split second, but there were lights on.”

“They could be hostile. They could be ones who shot at us.”

“We don’t have much of a choice, do we?”

“I guess not.”

They trek through howling winds. Keith squints. Through the rain he can make out a faint purple glow in the distance.

“ _In the velvet darkness, of the blackest night, burning bright there’s a shining star. No matter what or who you are.”_ He turns to Lance, and together in tired voices they warble:

“ _There’s a light…”_

“ _Over at the Kerberos place…”_ the wind seems to sing.

“ _There’s a light…”_

“ _Burning in the fireplace…”_

_“There’s a light, light in the darkness of everybody’s life.”_ Lance and Keith grow ever closer to the strange illumination of purple. They traverse a winding path. At the end of it a grand castle looms before them. It is equal parts grandiose and peculiar with its jagged peaks, gothic towers, and soft lavender glow oozing out from the windows. That light… it is magnetic, hypnotic. Keith and Lance are moths drawn to a flame.

“ _The darkness must go through the wormhole of void’s dreaming,”_ hums a figure watching the pair approach the manor through a high window. A gloved hand strokes idly at a rather impressive mustache. “ _Flow quintessence slow, let the sun and light come streaming into my life. Into my life…”_

Lightening fares across the sky over the castle. Lance and Keith gawk in wonder. “ _There’s a light…”_

“ _Over at the Kerberos place,”_   hisses the rain hitting the ground.

“ _There’s a light…”_

_“Burning in the fireplace. There’s a light, a light…”_

They grasp hands. They shiver. “… _in the darkness of everybody’s life.”_

 

* * *

 

 

“And so, it was beginning to seem like things were looking up for our heroes. A mysterious castle in the middle of nowhere was going to be their saving grace. Everything was going to go smoothly, right?” The girl at the desk sighs wistfully, but her mouth is twisted in a smirk. “No way in hell.”

 

* * *

 

 

“You know what? Maybe this wasn’t a good idea.” Keith glares at the door knocker. “I have a gut feeling about this place, and my gut is telling me to retreat as far as I can.”

“You probably just have indigestion.” Lance sounds the heavy knocker three times. _Clang. Clang. Clang._ Moments pass. Both step back when the door creaks open.

“Hullo!” An alien stands in the middle of the door way. He has an absurdly large and entirely glamorous mustache that twitches up when he smiles. It’s strikingly purple, just like the rest of his skin. He wears the tailcoats of a servant.

“Hey there! The name’s Lance McClain, and this is my fiancé, Keith Kogane.” Keith gives an awkward, tight lipped smile. “I was wondering if you could help us out. Our ship crashed not far from here, and the energy crystal is drained. Do you have one we could use?”

The alien is quiet for a long moment. “You’re wet.”

“Well yeah, it’s raining,” Keith frowns.

“Yeah,” echoes Lance.

“Yeah… I think you two should come inside. Please come in, come in!” He stands aside to allow them to enter. They step inside.

“Thank you.” Keith sounds polite but hisses in Lance’s ear the moment they’re inches out of earshot, “This is the part when they try to murder us.”

“Relax, would you? Whoever lives in a place like this has to be cool. They have a great taste in interior design.”

“The purple lighting is tacky.” Keith side-eyes an array of decorative weapons displayed on a wall. “The swords are pretty cool though.”

“Follow me, please!” the butler chirps. He leads them through the foyer. Warbled talking and music comes from somewhere within the twists and turns of the manor. “The name’s Coran, by the way. Did you know you’ve come on an exciting night? The master of the house is hosting a shindig.”

“Just our luck,” Keith says under his breath.

“Of course you’re lucky. We’re all lucky!” Wild laughter trails after.

It’s impossible to tell whose scream is shriller. Lance and Keith instinctively clutch each other close when a woman springs down from the staircase. Her purple, grinning face floats in a cloud of striking white hair, and she’s dressed in the skirts and apron of a maid. She is called Allura.  

“ _It’s astounding; time is fleeting; madness takes its toll,_ ” Coran intones towards the manor’s guests. “ _But listen closely…”_

“ _Not for very much longer_ ,” Allura cackles from directly behind the two. They both yelp. Neither had noticed her get so close.

“ _I’ve got to… keep control…”_ Coran does a nimble spin around a suit of battle armor on display.  “ _I remember doing the wormhole!”_   He weaves in and out of artifacts up and down the hall. Keith and Lance cautiously follow with Allura still breathing down their necks. _“Drinking some Nunvill when the blackness would hit me-”_

“- _and the void would be calling…”_ they sing in unison. The pair of guests are so startled by the servants lunging forward, enthusiastic grins wide, that they unknowingly stumble through the double doors of a ballroom.

“ ** _Let’s do the wormhole again!”_** There stands a menagerie of aliens looking directly at them through flashy sunglasses. Colored shades of purple, capped in ridiculous party hats, they look as wild as the servants.

“Holy quizn-”

“ _Let’s do the wormhole again!”_   The party shouts above Lance.

 

* * *

 

“Now you see,” says the girl, circling the laser dot around a chart on her slideshow, “It’s just a warp to the left.”

 

* * *

 

 

All of the party guests hop to the side. “ _And then a tick to the right!”_ In and out their legs go.

 

* * *

 

“With your hands on your hips,” she instructs, demonstrating.

 

* * *

 

 

“ _You pull your knees in tight. But it’s the pelvic thrust-”_ they form a circle and bring their hips together in jerky, rhythmic motions, “ _-that really drives you insane.”_ The party guests jump out of their circles into rows as they chorus zealously, “ _Let’s do the wormhole again! Let’s do the wormhole again!”_

“ _It’s so lovely,_ ” Allura purrs to Lance and Keith. “ _Oh, stars above me! But I can’t see them, no not at all._ ” She spins around, running her fingers over her magnificent hair. “ _In another dimension, there’s Altean ascension! Well secluded, he sees all.”_  

“ _With a bit of your soul,_ ” sings Coran.

“ _You’re into the wormhole, aaah!”_ Allura sighs from where she hangs on a pillar.

“ _And nothing can ever be the same…”_

_“You’re spaced out on quintessence!”_

_“Like you’re under possession!”_

_“Let’s do the wormhole again!”_ chorus the party goers. “ _Let’s do the wormhole again!_ ”

Coran and Allura dance their way over to a block that glows and plays music. Sitting on top of it is a feminine alien with skin more blue than purple and white hair that flows down her shoulders. Stockings deck her legs. A sequined leotard forms to her body; there’s a top hat to match. A red line runs from each glowing, yellow eye down each cheek. Her name is Haggar.

“ _Well I met a Galra ruler; he became my man. We took a look at a crater and had a brilliant plan! We used its power so we’d never die, but our sanity’s slipping, and we don’t know why. We had a son who’s a piece of crap. Too bad there’s never going back!”_

“ _Let’s do the wormhole again! "_   go the party guests. At this point Lance and Keith are just watching the madness unfold. “ _Let’s do the wormhole again!_ ”

 

* * *

 

“It’s just a warp to the left.” She takes a little jump.

 

* * *

 

 

“ _And then a tick to the right!_ ”

 

* * *

 

“With your hands on your hips.”

 

* * *

 

 

“ _You bring your knees in tight. But it’s the pelvic thrust that really drives you insane. Let’s do the wormhole again!”_ They move in the formation of some kind of bizarre line dancing. “ _Let’s do the wormhole again!”_

Haggar hops down from the music box and tap dances across the floor. _Click-clack_ go her fancy feet. A spin and a twirl, a leap and a skip. She gives a hoot of delight. Then she runs into the stairs. Allura pretends not to notice the glare she gets when she laughs.

“ _Let’s do the wormhole again! Let’s do the wormhole again!_ ”

 

* * *

 

“It’s just a warp to the left!” She’s standing on top of her desk now.

 

* * *

 

“ _And then a tick to the right!_ ”

* * *

 

“With your hands on your hips!”

 

* * *

 

 

“ _You bring your knees in tight! But it’s the pelvic thrust that really drives you insane.”_ The shindig is going full swing now. Keith and Lance exchange a glance.

“Maybe we should-?”

“Yeah.”

They stiffly back up towards the doors they stumbled in.

“ _Let’s do the wormhole again! Let’s do the wormhole again!"_ They all collapse to the ground. A few uncomfortable ticks go by.

“Say something, Lance,” Keith whispers.

“Hey!” he blurts out. They snap up at the waist. All eyes are on him. “Uh… do any of you guys know how to hit the Quan?” A ripple of confused murmurs washes over the crowd.

“I don’t think these people are going to kill us, but they’re not going to help us either. Let’s just take our chances and get out of here.” Keith nudges the double doors open and tugs his fiancé through.

“Don’t get your blades bent,” Lance hisses, trying to keep a steady smile towards the quickly rising party goers. “They’re just having a good time. So what if it’s a little freaky? Freaky is fun.”

“I want to leave. Ask the butler if he has the part. If he doesn’t, we’re going.”

“This um… doesn’t seem like the best time to ask. They’re in the middle of something.”

“Quiznak!” Keith shouts, stomping his foot. “I’m cold, I’m wet, and I’m sick of this shit!

“Calm down!” He grabs Keith’s hands before they reach for a weapon. Neither of them notice how the guests twitter excitedly. “We’re going to get out of this. I’m right here with you. There’s nothing to worry about.”

But Keith isn’t listening to Lance. He’s staring at the cloaked figure descending in the elevator next to them. Only the face is uncovered- lavender skin, shadowed eyes, lips shining wet with color. “What the fuck…” The grated door of the lift slides open.

“ _How’d you do?"_  purrs the alien. He struts out the elevator in such a way that breaks apart the engaged couple’s hands. Stiletto heels click with every step. “ _I see you’ve met my faithful handyman. He’s just a little brought down because when you knocked he thought you were the Nunvill man._ ” He gives Lance a smile that makes the Earthling’s mouth go dry.

“ _Don’t get strung out by the way I look. Don’t judge a book by its cover_ ,” he croons, sashaying into the ballroom. Hypnotized, Lance and Keith follow after him. “ _I’m not much of a prince by the light of day, but by night I’m one hell of a warrior. I’m just a Galra royal…_ ” Breath hitches excitedly throughout the room when the cloak falls. If a smile is enough to get Lance worked up then an eyeful of lean muscle poured sensually into gartered fishnets is enough for him to feel very uncomfortable in his pants.  “ _…from Klancesexual, Klanceylvania._ ”

Keith would be furious at how Lance is goggling at the alien prince if he wasn’t doing the exact same thing. He can’t help himself! The sparkling ensemble of briefs and a corset is formfitting and exposes the alien’s stomach so that a sparse trail of snowy hair is seen leading down to a rather attractive shape in the front of his lingerie. Keith finds himself growing more and more curious by the second about how the shape might look, feel, _taste_ \- It’s a very eye-catching outfit. That’s his excuse.

The alien advances on them, all long legs and swaying hips. “ _Let me show you my lair, maybe groom your hair. You look like you both need a cut._ ” He smooths a slender hand down Keith’s mullet and toys with the hairs on the nape of his neck. “ _Or if you want something climactical, and not too practical, he looks like he takes it up the butt._ ” Lance is referred to with a tilt of the head.

“I’m glad we caught you here,” Lance stammers. “Could we get some gear? Our ship was in a bit of a crash.”

“Yeah.” Keith’s face is splotchy. He nudges the creeping fingers away from him.

“We could write you a check then go back to our wreck. Let’s not do anything brash- oh!” Now there are hands running over _his_ neck.

“ _So, you’re stranded here? Oh you poor dear._ ” The alien’s tongue flicks over his lips. Lance watches it hungrily. “ _Well darlings, don’t you fear. By the light of the moon it’ll be over soon. I’ll get you a good engineer._ _I’m just a Galra Royal…_ ”  He finally releases Lance from his predatory hold, strutting up two or three stairs to a platform. Haggar is there, and they shake their hips in unison. “ _…from Klancesexual, Klanceylvania._ ”

Haggar, Allura, and Coran position themselves around their master when he sits elegantly in his throne. One at a time, he drapes his gorgeous legs over its arm. “ _Why don’t you stay for the night?"_

“Night,” echoes his staff.

“ _Or maybe a fight_ …”

“Fight!”

“ _I could show you my favorite possession. I’ve been building a solider the size of a boulder, and he’s good for causing dissention. I’m just a Galra royal…_ ” he rises as he sings. “… _from Klancesexual, Klanceylvania. Hit it! Hit it! I’m just a Galra royal!_ ”

“ _Galra royal,_ ” chorus the servants.

“ _From Klancesexual, Klanceylvania!"_   He pushes past Lance and Keith to walk back into his elevator. “So, come up to the lab…”

The engaged couple exchange looks.

“…and see what’s on the slab. I see you shiver in antici-” He stops short. Keith swallows. Lance bites his lower lip. “-pation.”

Both shudder.

“But maybe the rain isn’t really to blame. I’ll rev your motor…”

He takes a moment to laugh, a low rumbling chuckle filled with promises of filthy things to come. It’s the Devil’s laugh.

“By the way, the name’s Lotor.”

With that, he ascends from where he came.

**Author's Note:**

> I've been wanting to write a RHPS AU for a very long time but could never decide for which show. Then Voltron came along, and everything came together. I give this piece to you all from the bloody, loving depths of my heart. 
> 
> I worked very hard writing VLD parodies of the original RHPS songs. I hope you enjoyed them, but if you use my parodies for anything please give me credit. If you base any art/cosplays off this fic I would love to see them! I'm honey-badger-overlord on Tumblr. Feel free to hit me up.
> 
> Part II is already in the process of being written. It's sure to make you... shiver...


End file.
